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KEEP GUAM AND CARRY ON

Who is the best manager in the world? The Fiver has sleepless benefits of canada goose jacket nights worrying about this, so how about a straw poll? Is it José? Pep? Carlo? Arsène? ‘Arry? We went to school with all of them, even if we’re just that faintly remembered kid at the back of the photo who cowered in the toilets at break, so we can’t claim complete professional distance. But in fact, our favourite at the moment is Gary. Gary is the best manager in the world.

Gary is Gary White – one of the dying breed of managers to have been born with a surname, and the English coach of Guam. And Guam (population: 165,000) did something pretty special on Tuesday morning – or Monday night if you’re reading in, er, Guam – by beating India (population: 1.3 billion) 2-1 in the World Cup qualifiers. It was Guam’s second win in a week, after Turkmenistan were also beaten last Thursday, and marks a staggering turnaround from the previous time they had braved a match at this level, losing 16-0 in Tajikistan 15 years ago.

The Fiver spent most of the morning rapping its fingers on the desk waiting for a Fifa proclamation about this firm evidence of the enduring heath of its Football Family, but it seems a little occupied in Zurich today [if only Fifa and the Nobel Peace Centre could settle their differences with an internationally recognised symbol of goodwill? – Fiver Ed] so we’ll do it ourselves: results like this are good news. Even if Indian football has been an utter shambles for years – and won’t the person who, one day, hits upon the idea that sorts it out make themselves a nice little sum? – it’s a result to make you sit up and rejoice that, with the right organisation, the little guy can stick it to The Man.

If it were an FA Cup first-round tie, we might be trotting something out about the various butchers, bakers and estate agents who’d dished out a bloodied nose. But The Fiver is like, er, um … loads more imaginative than that, so what about the teams they play for? Guam can call upon number of USA! USA!! USA!!!-based players but others in their squad are signed to local sides Quality Distributors, Guam Shipyard and – best of all – Payless Supermarket Strykers. It cannot be long before Aldi buy up a few Football League grounds but for now there’s a degree of novelty that Guam, certainly not a pub team, are at least in part a composite of some supermarket ones.

Behind all this is Gary, who some might remember coached the British Virgin Islands to decent effect at the age of 24 just before a certain AVB’s short stint with the Caribbean side. The two have gone in different directions since then but maybe Gary, still only 40, deserves a shot at something bigger now – perhaps a chance to shop in a supermarket even more bountiful than Payless. It might come to a pretty pass before he gets José booted out of Harrods, can you wash a canada goose coat but there’s something to be said for giving chances to an English manager who has been willing to get his hands dirty – really dirty – improving tiny nations from such a young age. Either that, or give him the India job. We know who would manage our Football Family XI and it won’t take an official can you wash a canada goose jacket in the washer press release to cure our insomnia.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“Now the women are getting more beautiful, putting on makeup. They go in the field in an elegant manner. Women’s football used to copy men’s football. Even the jersey model, it was more masculine. We used to dress the girls as boys. So the team lacked a spirit of elegance, femininity. Now the shorts are a bit shorter, the hairstyles are more done up. It’s not a woman dressed as a man” – Marco Aurélio Cunha, the head of coordination for women’s football in Brazil, reveals himself to be just the 11 years behind Sepp Blatter when it comes to boneheaded, stone-age statements. Never a good look.

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Marco Aurelio Cunha, centre, doing his best Sepp impression. Photograph: Latin Content/Getty Images

FIVER LETTERS

“You are such a snotb1tch [bit harsh – Fiver Ed]. OK, England aren’t going to win Euro 2016 (necessarily), but six wins out of six ain’t bad (yesterday’s Fiver). So, other sides score against us (twice in one game … three times goose in six games!). Cynicism only works when it correlates with reality you know” – Mark Dawson.

“I have a plan to save Fifa. Instead of this Qatar nonsense, let’s stage the world’s first global cup. Have 128 teams in a felt bag and the best replica canada goose jacket thrill of international one-game knockout football. Trevor Brooking and Shakira to draw the balls, we can do away with the nonsense of qualifying for the top 64 teams, it would still take seven games to win it and properly involve the world. Imagine Azerbaijan’s incredible run to the semi-finals! By the way, please also consider this my official bid to become head of Fifa. #reaneyforfifa” – Paul Reaney.

“Just found out can you dry clean a canada goose coat the Stanley Cup finals are still going: pub not showing Canada’s World Cup game. It is mid-June! #StopHockey” – Scott Colbourne.

“So you expect readers to believe that letters for yesterday’s Fiver were ‘just not very good’? Deluded we may be for subscribing to are there any canada goose outlet stores the piffle that salaried journos conjure up about the beautiful game between the lunchtime pint. But stupid we ain’t. It’s been obvious for some time that all the original and thought-provoking nonsense published in this column is the work of unpaid contributors, who can only dream of athlete’s foot and the smell of horse liniment. Their efforts are obviously casting the incumbent hacks into the fringes of mediocrity, with protectionist censorship the consequence. We deserve to be heard, or in fact, read” – Ian Tasker.

“Amy Lawrence can’t have taken that photo (yesterday’s Still Want More). She’s in it and another thing that made Italia 90 so brilliant is that, barring piling all your mates into a photo booth, the awful invention of the selfie was 20 years away” – T Brazear.

• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is: T Brazear.

JOIN GUARDIAN SOULMATES

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BITS AND BOBS

Rather than have a stand named after an Olympic champion who has set a fantastic example for children and adults alike, PR experts Sheffield United would rather be associated with some estate agent who is ponying up some dough.

New Zealand’s Tony Readings has defended his decision to snub China’s Geordie coach Hao Wei after a 2-2 draw at the Women’s World Cup knocked out the Football Ferns. “I would never go out of my way to do that to an opposition player,” sniffed Readings after Hao was sent to the stands for stopping Ria Percival can you dry clean a canada goose coat take a quick throw.

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Hao Wei, man. Ria Percival, woman. Photograph: Adam Pretty/Fifa via Getty Images

Ever wondered what the view is like from the Bayern Munich bench? Just ask goalkeeper Sven Ulreich. “After many years at Stuttgart I was looking for a new challenge,” he tooted. “Here at Bayern I am at the right place.”

If you are looking for Filippo Inzaghi, you’ll find him on a round-the-world cruise on the good ship Do One after being put out of his misery by Milan. Sinisa Mihajlovic has taken his place at the helm.

Anyone fancy giving Chelsea a home? The Blues’ plans to redevelop Stamford Bridge into a 60,000-seat stadium could result in them playing matches elsewhere for at least two seasons if they get the go-ahead for work to begin.

It’s only Milk Cup first-round draw day!

Norwich are so happy under Alex Neil’s regime they have given him a shiny new contract. “Both parties were taking a chance when I was appointed,” he purred, “but it’s worked out very well for all involved, and I’m happy this has been sorted before the season gets under way.”

STILL WANT MORE?

What next for Premier League loanees? Fishing in the Nile? Exploring the northern coastline of Siberia? Searching for rare plants in the Brazilian tropics that could provide a medical breakthrough? Our writers spill the beans.

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Loan rangers, earlier. Photograph: Guardian composite

Will Petr Cech be playing for Arsenal or PSG next season? The Rumour Mill knows. And by ‘knows’, we mean hasn’t a clue and is totally guessing.

Leo Messi is not a happy pappy. Jonathan Wilson explains why.

But you, yes, you reader, will be a happy pappy should you watch this week’s best goals!

John Ashdown’s quest to taste every single beer in the world has taken him to the Czech Republic. While there he noticed that there was a European U-21 Championship going on and England were playing so he wrote a few words about it. The tournament, mind, not his quest.

The rise of Senegal and Mali may prompt another Pelé prediction at the U-20 World Cup, Pelés Paul Doyle.

Is USA! USA!! USA!!! forward Abby Wambach outdated or just brutally effective? Caitlin Murray has the answer.

Producer Ben claims to have something on us, so here’s another plug for Football Weekly presents … The Ballad of Robin Friday.

Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.

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